When Your Heart Stops

by Bob Dougherty
 
I was on my back   shirt ripped open   
people standing around murmuring  
a worried smile kneeling over me    
paramedics rushed in   I didn’t know why  
it was like fog — but it wasn’t fog
in the ambulance there were voices
maybe to the ER
male   early forties   overweight
possible cardiac arrest  
then more voices  
yeah   he flat lined   at least two minutes    
slowly I realized they were talking about me 
 
          my heart was fragile
          diagnosis — elusive 
          life became eggshells 
 
now   years later   my condition
still with me   is controlled    
yet   I know I went through a door
many times and somehow came back
     
people ask what it’s like  
and I can only tell them — It isn’t   
then they almost always ask    
you mean there’s nothing? 
and I tell them I didn’t say nothing
I know I would have experienced nothing  
and I didn’t experience
 
          time starts with your heart
     experience flows with its beat
          time stops with your heart